Funny Valentine Poems: Two funny hearts drawing.

Hilarious and Funny Valentine Poems to Add New Spice to Your Valentines Card

Funny Valentine poems can be truly delightful Valentines Day poems. On this page you'll find many hilarious poems to make your day today and help bring you humorously well into future days as well!  

The character of these Valentine poems?

Well, some are funny in a sweet, cute sense of the word and others ... well ... they are sort of funny in a somewhat stupid and silly way.

This way you should be guaranteed that something ought to fit your particular wacky taste in humor :-)

Poem No. 1 … of the Cute Type

Isn't there a saying that proclaims that "all is fair in love and war"?

If this is right, then I suppose it is fair to trick someone into being your Valentine, right?

This is one of the Sweet Valentine Poems are one of the cute love poems; it contains a word that is not a real word, but a made-up word. The made-up word is used to intrigue the desired person.

Will it work?

Would you try it?

Or is it not fair in your book. There are a lot of books in the world! There are a lot of books even in your town.

Will you be my lily putt?
"What is that", you say.
Come closer, I will show you, but
You'll be mine on Valentines Day.

~ ~

Poems No. 2 … A Corny Cute Love Poem

Some funny Valentine Day poems can be pretty darn corny.

And, we say, why not?

This is one of these Valentine poems; it's corny and horny at the same time!

Funny cupid drawing.

In this poem, you will see that even gods can be clumsy. The god of erotic passion, Cupid, accidentally shoots himself with one of his own arrows!

And since you know what will happen when you get hit with one his arrows, imagine the effect his arrows will on himself, the god of sexual desire.

Well, need I to say any more?

No, probably not!

Cupid got high,
High as the sky.
Shot himself with his arrow,
Now he is a horny fellow.

~ ~

Poems, No. 3 … Another Cute Love One About Love

It is hard to catch someone when you are "disarmed", even if it's in a good way.

The question is, 'Can you disarm someone with your charms? '

Well, you can often disarm anger with a soft, calm and accepting word.

And when it comes to disarming someone with your charm, you might do this by making them nervous.

Therefore it is sometimes a good idea to catch your Valentine fast, before someone else gets his or her attention. Show off your charisma before someone else shows off his or hers.

This is one of the Valentine poems about such a situation.

I want to catch you fast
So you can't get away.
You are so charming
And very disarming.
So you I cannot grasp.

~ ~

Poem No. 4 … An Alternative Version

Not every Valentine is a desirable Valentine.

Some Valentines could use some improvement. Of course, doesn't everyone need some improvement? Maybe some people need more improvement more than others, I am not sure. Or perhaps we should just accept whatever strangeness people possess.

Goth girl in black clothes and purple hair.

Do you need to live a long time to understand where some people are coming from?

Or to understand where they have been?

If you had been where they have been, would you be different from they?

That is hard to say for sure, what do you think?

The following is one of the Valentines Day poems about one such person.

You are a spooky Valentine,
Purple hair, drinking wine,
Talking bad all the time.

~ ~

Cute and Funny Valentine Poem No. 5 … An Innocent One

Letting your Valentine know of your sweet feelings and bubbling desire is no easy task if you're not yet together. However, what better day that Valentine's Day to let your flame know how you feel!

This type of funny Valentine poems is light, innocent and humorous but still very direct. In this poem you want to ultimately celebrate Valentine's Day with the guy or girl of your dreams.

Well, go for it!

Find a pretty or funny Valentine card and write it down, send it, sign it and hopefully Cupid will send your Valentine a few arrows of sweet love.

Funny drawing of shy man holding a big red rose.

Here is a rose
Sniff it with you nose
To wake you from your doze

... You see,

When I saw you, I froze
It was you that I chose
Oh forgive me, my silly prose

Just want you to know
When I'm hit with your glow
My legs turn to dough

I promise you though
If you'll let me, I'll show
You the best Valentine's day, you'll ever know

~ ~

Poem No. 6 … Short Cute Love Poem That Is Good for Kids

Funny Valentines Day Poems: Bunch of pink roses.

Valentines Day is filled with sweet things, like candy, chocolate and flowers. This makes this holiday an enjoyable day.

It is fun to give loved ones sweet things.

This funny Valentine poem that expresses the giving of sweet things in a cute way. This poem will work really well for both children, partners and lovers to be.

For Valentines Day I will give you roses
To put between your sweet little toeses
And put chocolate, strawberries and cream candies
Into your cute warm little handies.

~ ~

Funny, Sarcastic and Bitter Valentine Poem No. 7

Ah, yes, resentment over being rejected is experienced by everyone sometime in their lives, isn't that right?

Do you think it is possible to make someone feel rejected by you without you even realizing you had done that? I have heard it said you can't please everyone, and that seems to be true. There are just too many kinds of people around to please every one of them.

The following poem is one of the Valentine poems about someone who is disgruntled because you seem blind to the fact he or she fancies you.

Hearts and chocolates and cameos,
I want to stuff them up your nose.
Not even wanting my embrace.
Just goes to show you have bad taste.

~ ~

Poem No. 8

Pets are a pleasure to have, even if they are a little work when it comes time to take care of them.

One thing for sure, you should not feed chocolate to your pet. That can lead to more care than you bargained for, definitely.

Following is one of the Valentines Day poems about the family pet.

Chocolates for my kitten-girl, still.
She can't eat them, so I will.

~ ~

Funny and Silly Poem No. 9

This is one of the Valentines Day poems of the type of funny Valentine poems could be a nursery rhyme for children.

It is one of the funny poems that borders on the idiotic, but that is what children's nursery rhymes are made of at times.

You might want to try this one out on your child and see what response you get from them. It could be an opportunity to teach your child something; maybe she or he doesn't know what a mole is.

Maybe you have boroughs in your yard and they know what a mole is. You may have warned them, "don't play with the moles, they have teeth and do not like to be squeezed".

The mole found a Valentines heart.
He ate it, swallowed it and tore it apart.
Then his tummy hurt
And he lay in the dirt.
Now that mole was not very smart.

~ ~

Funny drawing of a mole with sunglasses and a big red heart.

Poem No. 10 … A Mysterious One

Sometimes you need to read between the lines, or between the quotation marks to get the full meaning implied in a poem.

This is one you have to read between the quotation marks to get the meaning.

Obviously a person needs to pay attention to get the best out of life. If you live with your head stuck in a hole in the ground, you are bound to miss something, or someone!

I went to the gym one day
And I decided to stay.
There was a wee bonnie lass.
She was totally first class.
I found a good one that day!

I went to the gym one day
And I decided to stay.
There was a wee bonnie lass.
With such a nice sized "glass".
I found a good one that day!

~ ~

Poem No. 11

I suppose you can change some people, change their ways. Actually, I would not count on it, some people are who they are and will not change. Sometimes you have to take them or leave them the way they are.

Drawing of teen girl blowing bubbles with chewing gum.

This funny Valentine poem about someone who really needs changing by some people's standards, but maybe not by her standards.

Some things are totally relative.

She is a saucy little lassie,
But her mouth is much too sassy.
I must spank her behind
Before I take her for mine
And give her my name, make her classy.

~ ~

We hope you enjoyed these Valentine poems that are cute love poems, short love poems, short cute love poems and Valentines poems, written with you in mind, or someone in mind.

So, as a final word, we hope Valentines Day finds you well and whole and makes you able to pursue all that this special holiday holds for you.

May you hold everyone you desire to hold.

Have a merry Valentines Day, make it count, don't throw it away.


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