Man and woman holding sign or banner with New Years resolutions: Next Year I Will ...

The Ultimate New Years Resolutions Guide - Inspiring and Funny

Wondering what kind of New Years resolutions to make this year? Well, you're probably not the only one which is the reason why we here at have gone at great lengths to made this really wonderful guide for you (said in deepest humbleness, of course.) 

The first step you need to make is to decide which direction you want your New Year wishes to go!

If you plan on your New Year resolutions to be:

Realistic, inspiring and motivating OR ...

Non-realistic, unconventional and absolutely ridiculously silly, far-out and funny resolutions!

If you're in doubt, it doesn't really matter, because here you will get inspiration to both kinds of resolutions.

In this way you may make a serious personal one for yourself and a few silly public ones for the New Years Eve party.

So please, just relax, you've come to the right place. Just read on, take in and let yourself get inspired :-)

Mission: Resolution New Year's Eve Game

The Right Mind Frame for Setting Motivational Resolutions

Woman in red blouse thinking about her New Years resolutions.

According to surveys about every second person makes New Years resolutions. Yes, if you start counting you will quickly realize that that will surmount to quite a lot of people worldwide.

The most common type of resolution regards improvement of personal health, or more precisely, losing weight.

As we all know resolutions are very easy to make; you just think of something you want be, achieve or do and then you say it!

But actually keeping resolutions is another story altogether.

I mean, if people actually managed to keep their resolutions the world would probably be another place, look quite a bit differently, and perhaps be somewhat lighter both in spirit ... and probably also in weight!

So before you ambitiously start launching all your top desired New Year wishes for yourself for the upcoming year, we recommend that you quickly read this guide on how to come up with, pick and phrase your New Year resolutions.

The goal of this guide is to help you keep your New Years promises by mentally preparing you BEFORE you actually decide what this year's resolution will be.

The Motivational New Year Resolutions Guide

Here are a few points that are well worth going through before you formulate your resolution.

Because as you will discover, it is not only the content that is important. The exact wording and phrasing plays a big role in terms of how your consciousness deals with the New Year resolution.

Ready, okay, here a good New Year resolution guideline in four simple steps that will help you keep your New Year wishes:

Step 1:
Think of something positive you actually WANT rather than something negative you want to AVOID!

"Right!", you may think, "Thanks for this $10.000 dollars worth enlightenment!"

Well, yes, I agree the above headline may sound like an obvious statement, but I assure you, it is not!

Far from it!

To your consciousness there is a very big difference between what we here will term 'going towards' and 'going away from'.

You see, your consciousness is much, much more motivated to achieving and fulfilling rather than escaping and running away from.

This may sound rather cryptic and probably resembles some pink New Age fluff leftover your parents proclaimed back in 1968. However, it is true!

The simple key to making lasting New Years resolutions is that you in your phrasing keep the perspective in your New Year resolution 100% positive and boil it down to what it is you really want.

To give you a few examples of common New Year resolutions that actually are 'negative' in their phrasing, take a look at these:

  • I want to quit smoking!

  • I want to lose weight!

Recognize these types of New Year wishes?

Probably you do!

But do you know the spiritual reason why they are so difficult to keep?

It is because they are not motivating for your consciousness. They are negatively loaded ("quit" and "lose"). There is no positive 'carrot' (or goal) for your consciousness to strive towards so to speak.

In other words, you don't WANT to quit smoking! You don't WANT to lose weight!

No, what you really WANT in this case is to the be healthy.

That is the real goal!

So what you want say is probably something along the lines of:

  • I want to help my body being the healthiest and happiest it can be. I want my lungs to be clean, healthy and optimal.

  • I want to help my body being the healthiest and happiest it can be. I want my body to be well balanced and I will give it healthy food and use it well physically.

You see the difference in energy?

With these phrases, you actually create a goal that is motivating for your consciousness! Something that is both positive and makes sense unconsciously.

Your resolutions for New Year have to make sense unconsciously otherwise you might quickly forget them or lose motivation.

Step 2:
Keep It Simple! Have only one 'big' New Year Resolution!

In order to prevent failure for yourself and sense of your self esteem, try to avoid being overly ambitions and spraying out lots of unattainable goals.

If what you really want requires real effort in terms of actual lifestyle change, it may be wise to only have one New Year wish.

Thus be nice to yourself and take your time with your precious choice!Carefully read through step 1 and think about your phrasing it so that your sub consciousness will take care of most of the heavy lifting. :-)

Step 3:
Include You Loved Ones for Support in Your New Year Wish! New Year Wish!

Talk about your resolutions for New Year with a loved one: Young couple talking in sofa.

If you choose to embark on a journey of making big changes in your life, unconditional support is invaluable.

When you choose the people to tell about your New Year resolutions, think about who you will feel most comfortable, uplifting and empowering in confiding in when times are Consider choosing people who will make you WANT to continue improving your life.

Step 4:
Reward Your Ego for Keeping Your New Year Resolutionew Year Resolution

Rewarding yourself for keeping your resolutions like hanging a carrot in front of a donkey.

In step 1 we focused on rewarding what we may call your higher being. This is the most important and basic aspect of yourself to reward. No doubt about that!

However, e.g. eating healthily it may not feel all that motivating in your everyday life. Especially not in the beginning!

Here you might need a more concrete reward that may work as a 'carrot' for keeping your higher, more beneficial resolution.

So you may inspire yourself by saying, "When I have kept my New Year resolution, I will ... ", for instance: go on a weekend holiday somewhere nice, buy myself that thing that I've wanted for ages or whatever you really desire (which is within your financial means of course).

A List of Big Positive and Motivating New Years Resolutions

There are many common New Year resolutions out there. Unfortunately many of them are not all that positive, motivating and inspiring.

They typically hit you in the head by fuelling your bad conscience by insinuating that you are 'bad' ("I will be a better person"), 'unsuccessful' ("I will work harder") and 'unhealthy' ("I wilSo here is a list of 'big' positive resolutions that may inspire you:

  • I will be unconditionally accepting and loving of myself and others.oving of myself and others.

  • I will expand my mental framework by starting to think of actions in terms of long term benefits rather than short term benefits.

  • I will help my body being as healthy and optimal as possible.

  • I will get to know myself really well by discovering what motivates me, what are my strengths as well as my fears.

  • I will find out what I am really meant to do in this life and make a plan of how to get there.

  • I will get to know the voice of my intuition and gut feeling and learn how to listen to it.

Now that you have chosen or created your big New Year resolution - perhaps with some inspiration from the above suggestions - it is now time to find the small steps that will help keep you on the right track! p keep you on the right track!

Here is a list of small, concrete New Year resolutions:

  • I will learn to give hugs and mean them!

  • When I appreciate things about myself or others I will say it out loud!

  • I will stay calm and open when people say things I don't appreciate or like.

  • I will pay attention to the good feeling of giving.

  • When I'm angry I will be honest without being destructive.

  • When I feel sad I will allow myself to feel that way.

  • I will find at least one person that is non-judgmental and empowering and who I can always confide in with everything.

  • I will find three things I am really good at and which I like doing.

  • I will have at least one hour a day that is MINE to do what I WANT!

  • Be open and let in new people into my life that I feel may be valuable to me!

  • Learn to be aware of the tone of my voice and letting acceptance shine through it.

  • Have great and fulfilling sex.

  • Use my body physically - taking up a sports, going for walks and / or ... having even more sex

  • Eat lots of fresh greens, healthy fats and oils and whole grains.

  • Take up a creative hobby that fits with who I am: e.g. drawing, woodwork, writing, knitting whatever, just as long as I'm true to myself and can release that creative vein.

  • Learn to take pleasure in the small things in life by consciously acknowledging small wonders each day: e.g. appreciate a beautiful flower, a pretty rain drop on window, an orange sunset, the delicious taste of food, the velvety feel of fabrics etc.

  • Drink water in ample quantities.

  • Learn my personal signs of stress, e.g. headache, losing short term memory, heart spasms etc. and take them seriously.

  • Keep material distractions to a minimum and only buy the things that I really need!

  • Make order in my life by giving away or throw out the things I don't really need.

  • Pay attention to how the News make me feel and eliminate toxic News from my life.

  • Seriously consider if I really need a television.

Inspirational New Year Quotes on New Year Resolutions

Many people view New Years Eve as a new beginning to a happier, healthier and more inspiring new life.

Start a new life with your resolutions: Writing your own book with blank pages.

Symbolically you can view New Year as an opportunity to start writing your own book rather than just keep on reading an old one, someone else has written for you ... with their left hand and while being asleep.

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.
~ Edith Lovejoy Pierce ~

Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past.
~ Henry Ward Beecher ~

Symbolically writing your own book requires motivation, guts and courage and a willingness to start taking responsibility for your own life.

Easier said than done!

But ..

More satisfying than ever imagined!

Here are a few New Year resolutions that you may use as a source of motivation and insight to fuel the direction, passion and content of your own New Year resolutions:

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other. ucceed is more important than any other.
~ Abraham Lincoln ~

Another fresh new year is here... Another year to live! To banish worry, doubt, and fear, to love and laugh and give!
~ William Arthur Ward ~

To love, laugh and give.

These New Year wishes sound so trivial but real truths are actually very, very simple!

In fact, one way to recognize whether something is 'right' for you or 'wrong' for you (besides listening to your guts), is paying attention to the purity of the words themselves.

The simpler, cleaner and often shorter the words sound, the more powerful, true and important they often are.

Just look at these: To be. To love. To give. To laugh. To live. To feel.

Below you will find a few New Year quotes that you can use in your happy New Year cards and New Year Greetings:

Happiness keeps you sweet, trials make you strong, sorrows make you humble, success keeps you glowing & God keeps you going. May you have a wishful year.
~ Inspirational New Year quotes ~

May this new year bring many opportunities your way to explore every joy of life. May your resolutions for the days ahead stay firm turning all your dreams into reality and all your efforts into great achievements.
~ Uplifting New Year Quotes ~

Also if you want New Years poems that rhyme to include as New Year wishes in your New Year toast or New Year greeting cards, you might like these:

Oh my dear,
Forget your fear,
Let all your dreams be clear,
Never put tear,
Please hear,
I want to tell one thing in your ear
Wishing u a very Happy New Year

~ Inspirational New Year Poem ~

If you want to succeed,
Do drop the speed,
Find your deepest desire,

Say it out loud,
As it'll make you proud,
Let happy New Year's inspire!
~ Happy New Year Quote by ~

Keep the smile, Leave the tear,
Hold the laugh, Leave the pain,
Think of joy, Forget the fear,
Be joyous, coz Its new year!
Happy new year!

~ Rhyming New Year Sayings ~

Funny New Year Quotes to Spice up Your New Years Speech

Funny drawing of man dancing on New Years Eve.

So to gently embark on a journey of senseless wit, let's introduce some funny New Year quotes spoken by famous people: ew Year quotes spoken by famous people:

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
~ Bill Vaughn ~

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
~ James Agate ~

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.
~ Bill Vaughn ~

People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.
~ Funny Sayings and Thoughts on New Year ~

Funny Resolutions by Famous People

New Years trivia game

There's fun in store this New Year's Eve. We've put together a New Year facts game to test your crowd's grasp of new year info. Bring in the new FACTS this December 31st!

New Years trivia game
If you think of looking for famous people for inspiration to your New Years resolutions ... well, beware! We have done some real digging to try and find something insightful uttered by clever, world famous people, and guess what: we didn't find much.

So in order not to disappoint you and let you down, we took the liberty of using our own personal muse, called Marge by the way, to inspire us. e, called Marge by the way, to inspire us.

After a bit musing around Marge came up with these fictional resolutions by the following famous people Albert Einstein, Bill Clinton, Sigmund Freud and Donald Duck.

Albert Einstein's New Years Resolution

Picture of Einstein with funny hair and sticking out his tongue.

"Next year I will try to focus less on phrasing a theory of chaos and focus more on untangling the chaos of my present hairdo. Really, I must look like some scientific nerd.

So, as we all know, beauty is a theory of diverse relativity so when I have cured my hair of unruly static electricity I will practice sticking out my tongue more while I at the same say in a (sexy, hoarse voice of course): "Thermodynamic fluctuations", "principle of equivalence" and "adiabatic invariance".

Yes, this must undoubtedly make women's electrons go wild with desire."

Bill Clinton's New Years Resolution

"Next year will be a spotless year in which I will proudly present you with a clean Bill of clothes.

I will thus launch a dirt free campaign for my new efficient stain remover called remOval Orifice ... or something like that.

And just to prove my dedication to fighting for spotless clothes, I want to make everything clear for you: I did not rub in my finger on that spot on that dress, the blue dress!

Seriously folks, polishing it would only make it bigger, twice its original size. What a mess!

So, say Yes! - to an unpolluted and untainted New Year!"

Sigmund Freud's New Years Resolution

Funny Sigmund Freud.

"Next year I will try to be more open to releasing my repressions and let my libido live out its desires.

Staying true to this New Years resolution requires, among other things:

- Allowing myself to live out my repressed oral phase by meticulously licking my tie along the green lines!

- Facing my secret Oedipus complex by saying, 'Mother you make me want to point ruthlessly at our house and say, you naughty, naughty old brick house!'

- Look more closely at my disturbing dreams about neurotic sofas having loud, multiple and quite distracting, orgasms each time one of my patients lies down."

Donald Duck's New Years Resolution

Funny Donald Duck.

"Next ... quack ... year I have several areas which I want to improve as I have received a lot of ... quack ... complaints regarding my way of ... quaaaack ... speaking ... darn that quack ... my lousy mood control as well as my exhibitionist way of dressing.

Therefore I will not only take courses in proper speech ... quaaarkt..iculation ... oh for crying out quack ... I will also go to spiritual anger management courses and let out my inner angry duck by beating on a pillow with some of Gladstone Gander feathers and last.... quack .... oh fuack it ... I will get proper treatment for my improper public flasher tendencies.

Quacking and out

Funny Resolutions Developments

If you've tried to make lots of hardcore New Year resolutions that you never managed to keep, you might want to scale down on your ambitions. u neverThus each time you fail it might be a good idea to just tone down your resolution a tiny notch so that you feel confident that you will not end up letting yourself down yet another year, and then yet another further year, and then yet another further different year, and then yet ...

Decline No. 1: Getting to Work on Time

Funny New Years resolutions about waking up in time: Funny drawing of man sleeping.

Four years ago: I will always get to work on time.

Three years ago: I will make a conscious effort of thinking about getting to work on time. ago: I will make a conscious effort of thinking about getting to work on time.

Two years ago: I will set my alarm in mornings so that I can wake up and get out of bed before lunchThis year: I might consider opening my eyes when I wake up.

Funny Decline No. 2: I Will Be a More Sensitive and Supportive Husband

Four years ago: I will try to be a more sensitive and supportive husband to Gertrude. r years ago: I will try to be a more sensitive and supportive husband to Gertrude.

Three years ago: I will start looking more at Gertrude and less at other women.

Two years ago: I willThis year: I will try to be a more sensitive and supportive husband to Phyllis.

Funny Declines No. 3: I Will Get a Proper Education

Funny drawing of man in front of TV with remote.

Four years ago: I will send in an application to Harvard to study psychology or social sciences.

Three years ago: I will learn what those words mean. ology or social sciences.

Three years ago: I will learn what those words mean.

TThis year: I sit in my sofa and re-watch old Ricki Lake Shows and Jerry Springer Shows as a way to study social relationships.

Funny Decline No. 4: I Will Lose Weight

Four years ago: I will try to get below 175 pounds. No. 4: I Will Lose Weight

Four years ago: I will try to get below 175 pounds.

Three years ago: I will think about getting down to 180 pounds

Two years ago: I will dream of making 200 pounds.

Last year: I will start making more motivating goals about my weight.

This year: I will try to get below 175 pounds.

Stopping smoking as a New Years resolution: Drawing of cigarette between fingers.

Funny New Years Resolutions Decline No. 5: I Will Quit Smoking

Four years ago: I will quit smoking.

Three years ago: I will make a plan to stop smoking.

Two years ago: I will buy some nicotine chewing gum soon.

Last year: I will stop blowing smoke out through my nose.

This year: I will try to balance only one cigarette between my index and middle finger.

Absolutely Ridiculous, Crazy and Funny New Year Resolutions

Okay, you want some original, unique and absolutely completely silly New Years Resolutions that no one else has ever done, even thought of and will surely never ever copy from you?

Good, then let yourself become inspired by these funny New Year resolutions:

  • Chose to not wash your left hand for an entire year and take a photo of it each week as it grows more and more interesting.

  • Bring your old transistor radio to the city square, press play to your recorded Jingle Bells while doing the Basil Fawlty (John Cleese) silly walks (like in the video below) ... or not!:

  • Learn to say "I love the sound of your sniffing, please do it again!" in 20 different languages.

  • Learn to jump on one leg all the way to the supermarket (you may shift legs on the way) while shouting out loudly every 20 jumps, "I will jump, I will hump, I will hide my tiny lump!"

  • Invent a new a way of saying I love you every single day starting the first day with e.g. I wollamoofle you!"
  • Put a big pile of jam on a plate every Saturday and lick up the jam with your eyes closed.

  • Knit a color matching scarf for every bird you see in your garden at winter time.

  • Learn to practically jump through hoops - preferably wearing a pink skirt and orange cardboard beak on you nose - you'll never know when the practice might come in handy.

  • Learn to whistle while curling up your tongue within your mouth

  • Exercise putting on your pants from the top down over your head while making positive affirmations along the lines of: "I am lovely today!"

  • Make life more exiting by creating a new cute greetings introduction in each email you send; like for instance Dearest Fluffypop, Hi Hinkyhose, Hello Wrappywroth and so on and so forth.

  • Sing "Blue Suede Shoes" by Elvis Priestly (or if can't really remember that one 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat' might do ok) and leave it as your answering machine message for people to hear when they phone you. Then change it every week by going up a notch until your falsetto cannot go any higher.

  • Bring an organic carrot with you to bakery each morning and eat it loudly while queuing. Hope you enjoyed this big page on both serious, inspiring New Years resolutions as well as the stupidly silly ones.

If you desire more New Years Stuff, feel free to explore the links below. ew Years resolutions.

If you desire more New Years Stuff, feel free to explore the links below.


Where Would You Like to Go Next?

Cards for New Years

24 Free Happy New Year Cards and Rhyming Poems in Both Modern and Vintage Style

Printable New Years Cards & Free New Year Greeting Cards Plus Sweet and Short New Years Poems

New Year Quotes, Greetings and Wishes

Happy, Funny New Year Greetings and New Year Wishes and New Year Messages

Unique New Year Wishes and New Year Messages and Happy New Year Greetings

Inspirational and Funny New Year Quotes and New Year Wishes

New Year Resolutions

Top Funny New Years Resolutions and Hilarious New Year Quotes and Jokes about New Years

Games and Ideas for the New Year Party

Big List of New Years Eve Party Ideas and New Years Eve Party Games for all Types of Moods and Guests

14 Fabulous New Years Eve Party Games and New Years Eve Party Ideas and Jolly Drinking Games

Back to the top of this page about The Ultimate New Years Resolutions Guide - Inspiring and Funny  

Go to the Homepage