Sherlock Holmes & Dr. Watson Go Camping

by Ragnar
(Reykjavik, Iceland)

(Visitor's Sherlock Holmes joke):

Sherlock Holmes and his trusty sidekick, Dr. Watson, were camping. In the early evening they sat looking at the campfire while sharing some good wine, and later they went to sleep.

Some hours later Sherlock Holmes woke up and nudged his friend. "Watson, Watson," he exclaimed. "Look up! What do you see?"

So Watson looked, and then he answered, "I see millions upon millions of stars, Holmes."

"Yes. And what does that tell you?" inquired the master detective.

Dr. Watson considered this carefully before he spoke.

"Well, Holmes, astronomically it tells me that there are an awful lot of stars, and I suppose that there might be planets, just like Earth, orbiting some of them.

Astrologically I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately three a.m.

Theologically, it appears to me that God is all powerful and that you and I are actually very small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, I believe we shall have a glorious sunny day tomorrow.

What does it tell you, Holmes?"

"Watson, you imbecile! Some thief has stolen our tent!"

Antsy Elephant?

by Pete Andersson
(London)

An ant and an elephant shared a night of ecstatic passion, but the next morning the ant awoke to find that the elephant had died. "Damn," sighed the ant. "One night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"

Toilet Paper Down the Hill

by Anonymous

Question: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
Answer: To get to the bottom!

Confucious Say About Cars

by Kara
(New Castle, PA)

Man who run behind car get exhausted and man who run in front of car get tired.

3 Men on a Plane Joke

by Olivia
(England)

There where 3 men on a plane:

- An Indian.
- A Pakistani.
- And an Englishman.

The Indian had a knife.
The Pakistani had an axe.
The Englishman had a bomb.

The Indian dropped the knife out of the plane and parachuted down after it. When he landed, there was a small girl crying.

The Indian asked, "Little girl, why are you crying?"
She replied, "A knife just fell from the sky and killed my cat!"

The Pakistani dropped the axe 10 minutes after the Indian dropped the knife and he parachuted down after it. When he landed there was a young boy crying loudly.

He asked, "Little boy, are you ok? Have you lost your mummy?"
He replied, "No you idiot. An axe came flying from the sky and killed my dog!"

The Englishman was getting depressed and he ignited the bomb and dropped it an parachuted down. When he got down, a young boy was laughing.

He asked, "What are you finding so funny?"
He replied, "I farted and Justin Bieber's house blew up!"

Mistaking Santa Jokes

by Lucy Catherine Barker
(Walton-on-Thames)

(Visitor's very funny Christmas joke):

What do you call something that says, "Ho ho ho" and is green?

A: Green giant
B: A sick Santa
C: A drunk Peter Pan at Christmas
D: An elf impersonating Santa
E: An elf on 'Be Santa for a day' day.

Choose or make up your own answer. There are loads of punchlines for this joke.

Confucius Say
- Funny Confucius Saying

by Shaboink
(Newark, N.J.)

Confucius say: Woman is like clog toilet, hard to get to go down!

Driver's Right of Way

by Ricky
(Oregon)

If four vehicles arrive at a four way stop at exactly the same time. Who has the right of way? The jacked-up four wheel drive pick-up with a rifle rack and the "Guns don't kill people. I do." bumper sticker.

Counting Eggs - Confucius Say: Think Before You Speak

by RANDY
(Goodyear, Arizona, USA)

Counting Eggs - Confucius Say: Think Before You Speak!

CONFUCIUS SAY ...

"Think before you speak or woman hit you in the head with remote."

Several Slightly Stupid Silly Jokes

by Beatrice H.
(Hamburg (Germany))

Blessed are the pure ... for they shall inhibit the earth.

Definition of lazy: Putting corn for popping into pancakes to make them turn themselves over.

If you lend a friend a hundred dollars and you never see him or her again ... it's worth it.

One ancient Egyptian to another: "Who was that lady I saw you with last night?"
Second ancient Egyptian: "That was no lady, that was my mummy!"

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing a cab.

I used to snore so loud, I'd wake myself up, but I've solved that problem ... I sleep in the next room now.

Dog - Made by My 5 Year Old Sister, Sooo Cute :)

by Aimee

Why did the dog sit next to the fire?

Because it was a hotdog :')

Yo Mama Is so Poor

by Rebecca
(North Carolina)

(Visitor's yo mama joke):

Yo Mama is so poor, that when I went into her BOX and lit a match, all of the cockroaches came out and said "Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord 'cause we got heat!"

Newspaper Riddle

by Victoria Fusco
(Long Island)

Question: What is black and white and red all over?

Answer: A newspaper!

Who Gets Sex?

by John Martin
(Florida)

This joke is just like sex ... I get it and you don't ;-)

True Wisdom ... or not!

by Anonymous

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts, so study hard and be evil!

The Big Issue Joke

by Olivia
(England)

Knock Knock...

Who's there?

Biggish!

Biggish-who?

No, thank you!


LOL xx
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The Dictator Arrested

by Peter The Grate
(Malaga)

The Dictator has just been arrested at a family barbeque and the rebels are now grilling him.