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Really Funny One Liners
and Very Short Jokes

• Here is our collection of really funny one liners - sharp and humorous firepower quickly delivered in one sentence (sometimes two). 

• On this page you will find funny lawyer jokes, old people jokes, job jokes, national jokes, truth jokes, vehicle jokes, funny fart jokes, question jokes and marriage jokes.

• Now, enough introduction, more action - ready ... set ... go!


Really Funny One Line Jokes about Lawyers ~ Funny Lawyer Jokes

- Since a lawyer joined our nudist colony, he hasn't had a suit.

- You have the right to remain silent; Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

- A lawyer is someone who writes an eighty-page document and calls it a brief!

- What happens to a lawyer who jumps out of a plane at 35,000 feet without a parachute? Who cares?

- How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.

- What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar? The pronunciation.

- It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer walking down the street with his hands in his own pockets.

- What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50? Senator.


Some Really Funny Jokes About Ageing ~ Old People Jokes

Really funny drawing of old man with three pairs of glasses. Old short sighted man.

- I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

- When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

- By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

- We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

- Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

- Do you know the four signs of growing old? 1. Forgetting names, 2. Forgetting faces, 3. Forgetting to zip up, 4. Forgetting to zip down.

- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

- Three old buddies are out for a walk. Old guy no. 1 says, "Windy, isn't it?" Old guy no. 2 says, "No, it's Thursday!" Old guy no. 3 says, "So am I. Let's go get milk shake."


Short Funny Jokes About Working ~ Job Jokes

- Pride, commitment, teamwork; Words we use to get you to work for free.

- If you're too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for patience.

- I pretend to work; They pretend to pay me.

- A procrastinator's work is never done.

- Crime doesn't pay ... Does that mean my job is a crime?

- In prison all expenses are paid by the taxpayer with no work required - At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.


Really Funny Quick Jokes ~ National Jokes With International Format

Really funny jokes: funny drawing of french guy with bread or baguette under his arm

- An Australian kiss is similar to a French kiss, but given down under.

- A Greek tampon is called "Abzorba the Leak."

- New York manufacturer of gentlemen's headwear is called "Manhattan".

- To get an Irishman to climb on the roof, tell him that the drinks are on the house.

- Gay Australian man will leave his wife and return to Sydney.

- If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

- What happened to the Chinese man who walked into a wall with a boner? He smashed his nose.

- What do you call a Mexican guy who lost his car? Carlos!


Really Funny One Liners About Truths ~ Truth Jokes

- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

- Consistency is the final refuge of the unimaginative

- Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

- The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

- There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

- If you have lost something, it will be in the last place you look for it.

- The quietest place in the world is the complaint department at a parachute packing plant.




Really Funny One Line Jokes About Vehicles ~ Vehicle Jokes

Funny drawing of red car with hands

- A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

- A speech is like a bicycle wheel; the longer the spoke, the greater the tire.

- A rental car is the only true all-terrain vehicle.

- What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.

- What do you call a song sung in an automobile? A cartoon.

- "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."


Funny Short Jokes About Hot Air ~ Funny Fart Jokes

- What is the sharpest thing in the world? A Fart; It goes through your pants and doesn't even leave a hole.

- Flatulence is the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

- Gaseous clouds have been detected around Uranus.

- A skeleton was trying to fart in a crowded place but in the end it couldn't because it had no guts.

- Why fart and waste when you can burp and taste?

- Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

- What's the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!


Question Jokes

- How do I set a laser printer to stun?

- How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?

- I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?

- You can't have everything, where would you put it?

- Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

- What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

- In a country of free speech why are there telephone bills?

- If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?




Really Funny Jokes About Marriage, Husbands and Wives ~ Marriage Jokes

Funny drawing of odd married couple.

- Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering.

- Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

- At a nudist wedding, you don't have to ask - you can see who the best man is.

- Seven days on a honeymoon make one hole weak.

- A husband was asked: Do you talk to wife after sex? His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

- The difference between wives and husbands is; Wives want to videotape the birth of their child - husbands want to videotape the conception.

- Husbands are like fires; they go out when left unattended.

- What's the difference between a penis and a bonus? Your wife will always blow your bonus!

- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

- The best way to make your wife's panties wet every day is to do the laundry.

For more really funny one liners on at related topic see Very Short Jokes About the Differences Between Men and Women on the page Very Short Jokes or Best Short Jokes Ever about Marriage on the page Best Short Jokes Ever.

 

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