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• Funny Confucius sayings have nothing to do with Confucius but everything to do with fun (read more about what is so special and unique about Confucius jokes here
• 'Confucius say' are funny one line jokes that manage to lie somewhere in-between crude comedy and sophisticated humour
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Confucius Jokes about Conjugal Confusions
Confucius say: Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Confucius say: Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!
Confucius say: Wife not part of furniture, until screwed on bed.
Confucius say: Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Confucius say: He who buries a man's wife alive, should not expect to sit at that man's dinner table without the subject coming up.
Confucius say: Man's wife his better half, his mistress his better whole.
Confucius say: When wife complain too much about no magic in marriage, husband will disappear.
Confucius say: Man who was a dude before marriage, is now subdued.
Funny Confucius Sayings That Leave Nothing Left 'Behind'
Confucius say: Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Confucius say: Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Confucius say: Man that go to bed with itchy butt wake up with sticky fingers!
Confucius say: Man who behaves like an ass will be the butt of those who crack jokes.
Confucius say: He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
Confucius say: Crowded elevator always smell different to midget.
Confucius say: Man that is stuck in pantry has his ass in jam.
Confucius say: Man who farts in church sits in his own pew!
Confucius Really Knows How to Crack Some Jokes
Confucius say: Man who sells Kotex, is crack salesman.
Confucius say: Man who put head on Railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.
Confucius say: Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs.
Confucius say: Woman pilot who fly upside down have crack up.
Funny Confucius Sayings That Let Money Do the Talking
Confucius say: Man who comes into money, have sticky financial situation.
Confucius say: Man who work all day for a pool maintenance company, will feel drained.
Confucius say: He who masturbates in front of cash register come into money.
Confucius say: Banker who sits in freezer, will have frozen assets.
Confucius say: Man who finds job at crystal ball company will make a fortune.
Wet Funny Confucius Sayings
Confucius say: Man who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser.
Confucius say: Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.
Confucius say: Don't sweat the petty stuff ... and don't pet the sweaty stuff.
Funny Confucius Sayings That Will Light up Your Day
Confucius say: Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes will soon burn out!
Confucius say: He who light the fuse of love, get big bang.
Confucius say: Rich old bachelor is man who have money to burn but no pilot light.
Cocky Confucius Jokes
Confucius say: Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Confucius say: He who plays with self, pulls boner.
Confucius say: Man with five dicks will have pants that fit like a glove.
Confucius say: Woman who is in love with priest will chase him through church and grab him by the organ.
And Now for Some Old, Hairy Confucius sayings
Confucius say: Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on whole woman have more.
Confucius say: Girl who have red hair have red hair, by cracky.
Sweet But not so Innocent Funny Confucius Sayings About Girls
Confucius say: Girl who is wallflower at party is dandelion in bed.
Confucius say: Man who lay girl on hill not on level.
Confucius say: Girl who douches with vinegar walk around with sour puss.
Confucius say: Man who marries girl with no bust have right to feel low down.
Confucius say: Girl who sits on Judge's lap gets honourable discharge.
Confucius say: It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
Sweet, Funny Confucius Sayings
Confucius say: He who eat cookie in bed, will wake up feeling crumby.
Confucius say: He who eat ice cream in car is a Sundae Driver.
Confucius say: He who put face in punch bowl get punch in nose.
Funny Confucius Sayings That May Require Some Medical Attention
Confucius say: Man who take sleeping pill and laxative on the same night will wake up in deep shit.
Confucius say: Man who mix Viagra and Ex-Lax, dosen't know if he's coming or going.
Confucius say: Company who make women's vibrators is called, Genital Electric.
Random Funny Confucius Sayings
Confucius say: Prisoner who paints in jail, will have brush with the law.
Confucius say: Geometry teacher who loses parrot, will have polygon.
Confucius say: Newscaster who reports hurricanes, knows how to talk up a storm.
Confucius say: Woman who dates trash collector, will get dumped.
Confucius say: Nurse who goes missing at beach, can be found under the doc.
Confucius say: Student who study history, will find there is no future in it.
Confucius say: Lady who goes down first time out, is called "Titanic".
Confucius say: Man who wants to kill a circus troupe, should go for the juggler.
Confucius say: Woman who loses wedding ring in kitchen, should remove her drawers.
Confucius say: Woman who wear something from Victoria's Secret, have no more secrets.
Confucius say: He who stands in corner with hands in pocket doesn't feel crazy, feels nuts.
Confucius say: Woman who gives away free potato chips, will offer you a free lay.
Confucius say: Surgeon who make mistake, forced to take a cut in salary.
Confucius say: Army like blow job the closer to discharge you get, the better it feels.
Confucius say: Man who smoke pot, choke on handle.
Confucius say: Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!
Confucius say: Man with clear conscience have bad memory.
Confucius say: Man who burns yard is said to smoke a lot of weed.
Confucius say: Man who is jacking off into a peanut butter jar is fucking nuts.
Where Would You Like to Go Next after These Funny Confucius Sayings?
'Confucius Say' funny quotes are funny one line jokes that have everything to do with fun and nothing to do with Confucius!
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What funny one liners lack in length, they win in fun - so prepare for a good laugh!
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Also some great random funny jokes.
Great Car Jokes and Funny Driving Jokes: Automotive Humor at Its Best
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